The List

Kind of like a bucket lst, but better because they are things I can see myself doing in the near to not-so-distant future. I want to write them all down though because I am not always in this mood and often lose sight of my motivation and goals. So...

Rent a house
Have Faye and the pups I keep Therapy Dog Certified
Join an Ocean Wildlife Conservation group
Learn to surf
Tend a mini greenhouse that I can give as gifts
Make more than 9.00/hr at my next job
Grow a garden
Master Yoga
...
more to come

"Everything you do sparkles!" -Kami

I woke up today to 9 texts. Yes 9. That is a lot for me. Most were from Twitter, a few were from my two best friends. I got on Twitter to see some @MandiePants and got on facebook to see an event request from my old friend Tom! I am moving, I am getting myself to the life I want. Yet I have been telling myself I am leaving little behind. That is just not true. I feel so lonely and so on my own, yet I have a party to go to. Karaoke to sing. Coffee and concerts to attend. A hot tub to soak in. And puppies coming. Diana and I want to go deep sea fishing in the Carolinas this summer. Mom and I will hopefully take a week to Seattle. Kami and I have a girl's trip in Des Moines planned. I went to lunch with 5 WOMEN on saturday. I Saw my best friend from high school. I'm going to help her mom tend her garden. I exercise down by the river with mom. I will miss all of this. And the really big thing here people, is that i finally have it in to my little pea brain that I am not alone. I have friends, people to see, people who love me. I am fun, light, spontaneous, adventurous, goofy, sweet, and playful. I just have to remember that and that other people are the ones who see it. WHAT A WONDERFUL REALIZATION!

Lawrence K. Fish

You know those moments in your life where things jump right out at you? Literally or figuratively matters not, because there it is jumping out at you either way. Tonight is one of those nights for me. I am always searching for sings. Always looking for a clue to where my next move should be. Recently I have been overwhelmed with the idea that a change is coming, or at least, needs to. I have devoted 23 years to Iowa, grown here, discovered here, prospered, fallen, recharged, and forged ahead. Here. My time has come to see what next big adventure is out there. I have been thinking this way for some time. Truth be told, I am always thinking this way. But with 24 approaching and the sad reality that my life resembles nothing of what I had hoped it would, I must abandon the idea of signs and make something happen for myself. So imagine my delight when those old signs I always long for started popping up. That's how it works, you see. You only get guidance when you aren't looking for it. My brother and sister-in-law, who I never refer to as a sister-in-law at all, are moving to Washington. The bomb was dropped at lunch yesterday. When Mark gets back from his tour of duty in July, only precious few days will be spent in the midwest, and they will be relocated. I looked at mom and what came out of my mouth was more a shock to me than to her. "I'm moving," I said. And there it is. I began playing the equally painful and exhilarating game of make believe. I found a beautiful area of town, I found apartments, I found a school... UW school of nursing. In make believe land, everything fit perfectly. My BSN in 2 years, a hip apartment with my two dogs in a hip part of Seattle, half an hour away from Tacoma where my brother and sister and two nephews will live. Could it be any more perfect? Could it be any more of that adventure I've been desperately searching for? Leave the answer to Lawrence K. Fish. While playing with the idea of starting a new blog to catalog my growth and the process of rediscovery, I stumbled on a quote of his that spoke to the very fibers of my soul.

"find life experiences and swallow them whole. travel. meet many people. go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. try everything. exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life."
- lawrence k. fish

Lawrence, the very name I pray to give my first born son, screamed at me through the data waves. I knew it then, like you feel it when something is happening to you that will change your perception of life. Like you feel when you remember meeting your soulmate. It feels right, but so right that there's no way it can be true. I know this is where I am headed. I know it without fact, or reason, or logic. I know it like I knew my quiet lab partner would turn out to be the love of my life. To know without knowing, that is the only way to live. That is the only way I have ever found true joy. To look back down your path and say, I knew it all along, but didn't realize til now....

Seattle, here I come.