Everybody's got a bucket list, mine just keeps growing! X's mark the ones I've done!
Rent a house x
Have Faye and Maya Therapy Dog Certified
Join an Ocean Wildlife Conservation group
Learn to surf
Tend a mini greenhouse that I can give as gifts
Make more than 9.00/hr at my next job x
Grow a garden
Master Yoga
Travel to another country
Visit the West Coast
Make a dress
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Let It Ride
So I find myself sitting here in the dark, after yet another sleepless night, contemplating what one contemplates when the stillness brings on thoughts you have no time for during the day. There are these few precious moments people get in life when a light bulb goes on and that concept you've been desperately grasping for finally comes to you. Do you remember what it was like when all those squiggles on the page finally formed a word and you realized that you could see spot and spot was running? Those are the moments I'm talking about now. What does one do when they have nothing but pure selfish time to themselves? I reminisce. I think about all the people who have come and gone, all the adventures and experiences, heartbreaks and happinesses... You create your life as you collect these memories.
But one question has always kept me needing more. When? Everyone knows what weight that question can carry. For me, When is an utter plea to the universe. When will I get what I've been searching for? When will I find the right path, job, friends, mate?
For all of us, we each have one poker game where we've walked away empty handed. We all throw our chips on the table for some bet or another, praying that we have the upper hand... wondering if those we've felt comfortable enough to lay it all on the line with will get the best of us. I get that feeling all the time. In sheer anxiety I ask myself did I placed a good bet, do I have a good hand, and what's more... do I posses good enough judgment to read my opponents' tells?
I have given so many moments to sorrow, most that I bring on myself. I didn't have to bet so big, I didn't have to play another hand. I should have stopped while I was ahead. A gambling junkie KNOWS the next best thing is just around the corner, and he seeks it out all the way to the poor house. What's different in life? Some strike it so rich, you'd think they carry luck around in their pockets. Some never seem to catch a break.
Tonight, I realized it's not about the game you play. Its not about knowing people's tells or believing you have the best hand or hunting always hunting for the next big payoff. The secret is to work with what you've got, and be glad for it. To sit down to the poker table and see the faces of your friends, and not opponents. To know your own limits, and not spend hundreds of dollars... or years... or tears... in a game that you have no business sitting down to. Know your own tells. Know how much you've got in your bank... whether that be your head or your heart. Look down at your cards, and work with what you've been dealt. Fold when necessary, not every game must be played for keeps. And just so I can remember it myself... always remember that the faces that surround you as you play are not the faces of the enemy, but the ones who choose to sit down at that table with you.
I am convinced that I have ruined many precious moments too focused on what lie ahead, instead of reveling in the joy that I'm blessed to have been brought to me. As in the simplicity in finally learning how to read, precious moments are gifts. When a magical night changes your outlook on life, when a trip makes you see the world a little differently, when a kind word lets you know that you are not alone... to me, I've realized those things are my When. And if your game doesn't fall in to place, and you don't get dealt anything worth playing... look up from your unhappy circumstances, and remember there is a world far beyond that hand of poker. You may very well be the next person to win the jackpot, so what if you're not? Right now, you have an opportunity to have a night worth remembering, and one day that perfect hand will come if only you have the wherewithal to trust in yourself and let it ride.
I've decided to tell myself this every single day.
But one question has always kept me needing more. When? Everyone knows what weight that question can carry. For me, When is an utter plea to the universe. When will I get what I've been searching for? When will I find the right path, job, friends, mate?
For all of us, we each have one poker game where we've walked away empty handed. We all throw our chips on the table for some bet or another, praying that we have the upper hand... wondering if those we've felt comfortable enough to lay it all on the line with will get the best of us. I get that feeling all the time. In sheer anxiety I ask myself did I placed a good bet, do I have a good hand, and what's more... do I posses good enough judgment to read my opponents' tells?
I have given so many moments to sorrow, most that I bring on myself. I didn't have to bet so big, I didn't have to play another hand. I should have stopped while I was ahead. A gambling junkie KNOWS the next best thing is just around the corner, and he seeks it out all the way to the poor house. What's different in life? Some strike it so rich, you'd think they carry luck around in their pockets. Some never seem to catch a break.
Tonight, I realized it's not about the game you play. Its not about knowing people's tells or believing you have the best hand or hunting always hunting for the next big payoff. The secret is to work with what you've got, and be glad for it. To sit down to the poker table and see the faces of your friends, and not opponents. To know your own limits, and not spend hundreds of dollars... or years... or tears... in a game that you have no business sitting down to. Know your own tells. Know how much you've got in your bank... whether that be your head or your heart. Look down at your cards, and work with what you've been dealt. Fold when necessary, not every game must be played for keeps. And just so I can remember it myself... always remember that the faces that surround you as you play are not the faces of the enemy, but the ones who choose to sit down at that table with you.
I am convinced that I have ruined many precious moments too focused on what lie ahead, instead of reveling in the joy that I'm blessed to have been brought to me. As in the simplicity in finally learning how to read, precious moments are gifts. When a magical night changes your outlook on life, when a trip makes you see the world a little differently, when a kind word lets you know that you are not alone... to me, I've realized those things are my When. And if your game doesn't fall in to place, and you don't get dealt anything worth playing... look up from your unhappy circumstances, and remember there is a world far beyond that hand of poker. You may very well be the next person to win the jackpot, so what if you're not? Right now, you have an opportunity to have a night worth remembering, and one day that perfect hand will come if only you have the wherewithal to trust in yourself and let it ride.
I've decided to tell myself this every single day.
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